SIDE 1

PHINEOUS TROUT: Ladies and Gentlemen, Wonka bar sales are up to over two hundred thousand an hour and this JUST IN. The fourth Golden Ticket has been located in Television City, California.

(MIKE’S Golden Ticket lights. MIKE and MS. TEAVEE enter.)

PHINEOUS TROUT: Leaving only the fifth and final ticket to be found! We’re live at the home of Mike Teavee, the finder of the fourth Golden Ticket. Here’s Ms. Teavee now. Tell us about finding the Golden Ticket, ma’am!

MS. TEAVEE: You see, Mike and I were—

MIKE: (watching TV) Shut your pie-hole, toots. Didn’t I tell you not to interrupt! This is the best part! Crack, smack, whack! Dead. Did you see him die? That was so totally awesome!

PHINEOUS TROUT: Very cool, Mike. Now, Ms. Teavee, about the Golden Ticket—

MIKE: Yeah! I GOT a Ticket, dawg. Big deal! Means I’m gonna miss at least an hour of my second favorite show AND I’m gonna have to leave the house to tour some stupid Chocolate Factory. Right. Whatever…Hit him! Hit him harder!

PHINEOUS TROUT: Now, which school does our Golden Ticket winner attend?

MIKE: What are you crazy? Who needs school? I got the ‘net, TV and my Game Boy, fool.